


who knows

by beaniebbz



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, Bickering, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Feelings Realization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Beta, Out of Character, Self-Indulgent, We Die Like Men, alluka is mentioned once, as always, hints at a, i just want killugon to be happy, is this considered, you could read it as friendship but Togashi would be disappointed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27870530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beaniebbz/pseuds/beaniebbz
Summary: It's surprising, really. No one would expect Killua Zoldyck, a cold-hearted former assassin and pathological liar to be so uncharacteristically clingy and -- dare Gon eventhinkit -- obedient.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 24
Kudos: 207





	who knows

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to user dodici (twelve) for the funniest tag in the hxh fandom: you could read it as friendship but togashi would be disappointed 
> 
> guys this is so self-indulgent i am sorry lol
> 
> can you tell i am a sucker for pushy gon and killua begrudgingly accepting affection yet

It's surprising, really. No one would expect Killua Zoldyck, a cold-hearted former assassin and pathological liar to be so uncharacteristically clingy and - dare Gon even  _ think _ it - obedient. 

It was rare. But sometimes, once in a blue moon, Killua just becomes so…  _ affectionate _ , for seemingly no reason. Gon has tried to comprehend the trigger for these moments but has so far come up empty-handed. Maybe it was something he did? Maybe Killua woke up on the right side of the bed? Maybe Mercury was in… what did Killua call it again? Retrospect?

After a while, the brunette likes to simply think that Killua finds himself giving into temptations. Finally listen to that little voice in his head telling him that he  _ is _ worthy of love, regardless of how much that thought was drilled out of him. That possibility is what makes Gon the happiest. 

Like now, for instance; Gon had been in the middle of pulling on his shoes and checking his fishing pole when suddenly a fluffy mop of white hair revealed itself from underneath a cocoon of blankets on the couch.

Gon startled for a second; he thought his best friend had been fast asleep. After confirming with Killua a few hours prior that the blonde didn't want to go fishing today  _ ("Why can't we ever just relax!") _ , Gon decided that he would go later by himself. Such an opportunity came when a mound of blankets had seemingly swallowed Killua, and if Gon were any less of a  _ genius, _ he would have thought the other teen had died under the pile. 

The brunette had even checked. He had poked the vaguely body-shaped mass a total of three times through the thick covers without response, and though he  _ should _ have been a bit more concerned, instead he just leaned down towards the end that he thought was Killua's head to listen for his breathing before snapping a few pictures of his mummified friend. After sending the pictures to Alluka with a quick  _ guess who's in that thing, lmaooo _ , Gon grabbed the stuff he needed for a couple of hours of exploring. 

Until Killua suddenly sat his head up like he was rising from the dead, that is. Gon paused tying his shoelaces to glance at the other boy, trying to decipher what was going on in his mind. It was no use, though; Gon couldn't even see Killua's eyes with how messed up his fringe was. 

"Uh, good morning?" Gon says. It was actually four in the afternoon.

He sees something slither underneath the layers of blankets before Killua finally pulls out a hand and then an arm, using the newly acquired limb to fix his bangs. He lets his arm flop back down on top of the pile before shooting Gon a dirty look and Gon can't help but instinctively shrink back even though he didn't do anything wrong. 

The blonde curls his lip. "Are you leaving or something?" He eyes the backpack and fishing pole set on the floor with such disgust that Gon almost has to make sure there isn't an offensive symbol on them. 

He frowns a little at the weird behavior. "I'm going fishing."

"Without me?"

"You said you didn't want to go," Gon points out, bemused. Was that a slight whine in Killua's voice or was he finally going crazy? 

Killua uses his only free limb to point at Gon. "I didn't know you were planning to go anyway!" 

Gon looks at the finger with his eyebrows raised. He had thought he became pretty good at reading Killua after being best friends for four years, but at the moment Gon had no idea what Killua could possibly be wanting right now. "Okay," He says, drawing out the word for a second. "Well, I am leaving. Do you want to come now?" 

The blonde finally sits up, although Gon isn't exactly sure  _ how. _ Those blankets looked suffocating. "No," He huffs, petulant. "I don't want to go."

Gon simply shrugs before standing up. "Then I'm heading out." 

When he reaches down to grab his supplies, Gon finally notices the degree to which Killua's face soured and almost cringes at the sight. His expression had abruptly become childishly sulky, and Gon doesn't think he has seen Killua look this bitter when there isn't a lack of chocolate involved. 

"Killua," He starts, staring at a mass of white fluff when Killua looks down and away from Gon. "Why do you look like you are sniffing shit?" He cocks a hip and rests a hand there, sort of hoping he looks like a condescending mother. 

"I don't want to go," Killua repeats, still looking down at the motel carpet. 

Gon doesn't know if he is steadily growing more confused or frustrated. "Yes, Killua, thank you for reiterating what we have established three times now." 

Surprisingly, his friend doesn't rise to the bait nor give any reaction to his sarcastic tone. He might be finally getting used to it; Gon did pick up on such mockery from him, after all. 

A silent beat. Gon ruefully sighs. "My bad," He apologizes, feeling sort of guilty. "I just- you don't  _ have _ to go."

Killua finally turns his head back up towards Gon. He is still wrapped up in that cocoon and though the moment is tense, Gon almost laughs at the sight. "Yeah, but," Killua starts, weirdly quiet. " _ You're  _ going." He finally starts to wrangle his other arm out of the wrap of blankets, trying to find the top layer to peel it off. 

Gon blinks as Killua searches for the seams of the blankets. Something about the way his friend said that… 

An idea pops into his head. "Do you not want me to go?" 

Killua stops fumbling with the blankets, freezing. It's quiet for a moment. "Um," He starts, hesitant. "No?"

His answer had a lilt to it, almost as if Killua doubts it's the truth but wanted to convince himself so. Gon has always been able to tell when Killua is lying, and sometimes he doesn't understand why his friend even bothers trying anymore.

Even though Gon doesn't fully understand the situation, what he  _ does _ comprehend is that Killua does  _ not  _ want him to leave. The blonde won't verbally confirm this, but Gon is confident in this conclusion. The better question is ask is  _ why. _

Gon bends down to quickly untie his shoes and slip them off before setting his backpack on the coffee table. He walks over to the couch where Killua is wrestling with the constricting fabric and gently removes all of the blankets on top of Killua, temporarily setting them over to the side.

At Killua's bewildered stare, the brunette simply groans and makes a shooing motion with his hand. "Scoot over, hurry up."

"But-"

Sensing the incoming flurry of questions from his confused friend, Gon simply huffs and reaches down to scoop up the other teen. He slides one hand underneath Killua's upper back and another one under his knees, lifting him so quickly that Killua doesn't even have time to try and wriggle out of his grip. Once the blonde is secured in his arms (and staring dumbly up at him), Gon turns to face the other way before plopping down on the couch with an unattractive  _ oof _ . 

Now with his face a few inches away from Killua, he watches in detail as Killua's cheeks go from deathly pale to bright red in a couple of seconds. As Killua mentally processes what just happened, Gon readjusts the male in his lap, letting the arm on his back sneak around to hold against his waist instead. He removes his forearm from underneath Killua's knees and instead grabs one of the blankets, doing the best he can to drape it over the both of them. Once the arrangement is to his satisfaction, Gon lets his arm relax on Killua's covered thighs with unwarranted casualness. 

Killua still hasn't said anything, face still alarmingly flushed and looking a little bit dazed. Gon just brightly smiles. "I think I'll just go fishing tomorrow," He announces rather unnecessarily. Stating the obvious is one of Gon's favorite pastimes. 

The sound of Gon's voice seemingly snaps Killua out of his slight trance, as he brings up a finger to aggressively poke at the center of Gon's forehead. Ignoring Gon's indignant cry, the blonde furrows his eyebrows and fixes Gon with a glare. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Holding you…?" 

They stare at each other for a moment before Killua looks away with a groan. "I was about to move! You are so impatient," He grumbles, starting to try and wiggle his way out of the older teen's grip. Gon instinctively tightens the hold on Killua's waist in response. "Let go!"

Gon simply shakes his head. "No."

The squirming becomes more frantic, but Gon notices that Killua doesn't try to pry his hands off. If his friend  _ really _ wanted to get off of him, he already would have by now.  _ He is so dramatic _ , Gon thinks, trying to hide a grin. He must not succeed however, Killua stopping his struggles and scowling at him. 

"What the hell is so funny, huh?" The teen in his lap hisses. "Is this amusing to you or something?"

Instead of answering, Gon smoothes the ruffled blanket back into its regular position. "Don't kick the blanket," He says, ignoring the question. "And stop being moody."

Killua gasps, affronted. "I am not-" He splutters. "I'm  _ not _ moody!"

Gon's instinctually winced at the obvious lie. Moody was an understatement, really; his friend was prone to such quick emotional changes that Gon got whiplash. Killua was temperamental at  _ best. _ "Then how come you were acting all pouty and weird a couple of minutes ago when I said I was leaving, but now that I'm staying you're being an asshole?" 

"But I wasn't-" Killua attempts to resist again before stopping and sighing. "Fine, you're right," He notices the satisfied smirk creeping onto Gon's face and quickly corrects himself. "Don't get a big head over it, jerk!"

The blonde pauses for a second, looking kind of miserable. "I guess I just wanted to hang out today or… something. I don't know, it's stupid."

"We hang out every day," Gon points out. 

"If you don't want to spend time with me you can just say that."

"When did I even  _ insinuate _ that?" 

"Fuck you!" 

"Huh?" Gon says, incredulous. What the hell is going on? Killua's ability to jump to conclusions is both remarkable and painful. "I love spending time with you. I  _ invited _ you to go fishing with me, remember? And look," He wildly gestures towards the position they were both in before setting his hand back down. "We are hanging out right now!"

Killua doesn't say anything. "Maybe if you weren't so argumentative and _ stiff  _ you would be enjoying this quality time a little bit more," He presses on, intentionally trying to guide the other teen into loosening up with the hold on his waist. 

Little by little, Killua begrudgingly lets himself get pushed into Gon's chest. When his head finally rests on Gon's shoulder and collarbone, the brunette notices that Killua isn't letting himself relax fully; almost as if he didn't want to crush the teen underneath him. 

Gon resists rolling his eyes, pointedly shoving a finger into his friend's side while hoping it conveys what he is thinking. Killua lets out an ugly squawk and pinches Gon's arm in return before reluctantly going limp in his arms. The older teen can't help a grunt at the sudden weight on his lungs, flashing Killua a smile when he receives a scathing glare at the sound.

For a second, it's quiet. Peaceful. This isn't the first time they have cuddled like this; far from. It's impossible to be Gon's friend and not get an obnoxious amount of daily physical affection. Killua has been the first person Gon met, however, that resists his touch so much. He treasures moments like this; the only other time Killua is this pliant is when he is sleeping. 

He cautiously brings a hand up to card through the fluffy white mess on his friend's head, trying to not hold his breath. When Killua doesn't even give the slightest indication that he noticed, Gon softly smiles. Not acknowledging something was the other teen's favorite way of accepting what was happening. Killua speaks up just as Gon finally finds a decent rhythm in running his fingers through pale locks. 

"You know," He muses, an unrecognizable emotion in his voice. "We are both pretty selfish."

Gon instantly stops moving his hand and frowns, disagreeing.  _ He _ was selfish, sure.  _ Killua _ though? His obstinate selflessness was one of his most endearing traits. The very notion that Killua could be anything but was kind of insulting. 

If Gon voices all of that, Killua would surely get up and leave in embarrassment. He instead settles for a relatively safe response. "What do you mean?"

Killua tilts his head to look up at him, pondering. Gon finds himself staring at his eyelashes, for some reason. His friend gives a little half-shrug. "Who knows." Gon can just barely feel the vibration of Killua's voice in his chest. 

Damn. A clear dodge. Gon quickly goes over the little options he has; he  _ could _ pester Killua into telling him what he meant, but that would risk his friend shuffling off his lap. And though Gon doesn't really understand  _ why _ , he knows that is the last thing he wants. He lets out a small sigh, shutting his eyes and resuming combing through Killua's hair. 

  
  
  
Guess he'll just have to figure it out himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> my other wips are literally begging me to work on them but noooo my neanderthal brain said more killua on gons lap ?? beaniebbz suffers from "killua accepting physical affection" brainrot, it is a serious condition guys help
> 
> also...... holiday time... winter season... winter prompts.... MISTLETOE... literally dies from thinking too hard
> 
> if u wanna chat u can find me on twitter with the same @
> 
> hope u enjoyed this short one <3 sending love
> 
> ONE LAST THING i am finally learning how to use HTML format on this damned site and yall... i am so stupid WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR ME LMAOOO


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